Heartbreakingly, I have multiple people I care for in my life in the very early stages of their family shifting from one household to two. Divorce is an option for some, and it is the designated path for others. As I’ve spoken with them, my encouragement has remained the same. This is hard and awful and a place you don’t want to be. But, even in all of that, God has not abandoned you. And you can model Christ on this hard, horrible path.
This is a post originally from several years ago. I’m sharing it again in case it may be helpful to others along this hard road.
“How do I do this? How do I do this and honor God? How do I do what feels so far from Christ in a Christ-like way?”
Five years ago, I began the agonizing process of asking myself any arrangement of these questions at least hourly. From the moment I realized divorce was the only next step, it felt like I was trying desperately to claw through a minefield, totally blindfolded, grasping for directions that I knew had to be there to help me navigate something so foreign. Taking the step to divorce was, at that point in my life, the equivalent to me launching a mission to the moon. I had no idea what I was doing, where this was leading, how I’d get there, and what the outcome would be for me and my children.
That feeling was bizarre. I’d grown up in a family of faith, became a believer in Christ at an early age, and that was the source of all of my existence for decades. And, yet, I found myself reeling wondering if that relationship would – and could – carry me through the unknown ahead.
This journey has been the equivalent of a faith trust walk of sorts. Hour by hour and day by day God has provided gentle whispers and nudges, clear paths through the maze of ugliness, and every now and then blinking, Vegas-style arrow signs pointing to the right next step. The nudges came most frequently and required me to be quiet, stay calm, and keep my eyes focused on how to do this and honor Christ. That combination felt impossible many days, but looking back I can see that it was possible and that – truly thanks to God – I think it was achieved. At least 95.8% of the time.
And I think that was possible because my faith constantly reminded me that I was not in this alone. In the all-consuming moments when it felt like our lives were destined to be a dumpster fire forever, God provided encouragement, friendships, provision, and a few victories as reminders that He’s got this.
The breadth and depth of provision has been staggering. Family and friends – the line truly has blurred between the difference in some cases – who really do deserve some sort of award for the ridiculous amount of support they have given. A job that I love and that allows my people to have an experience that is so good for them every day. And, most of all, that faith that led me through life before this began is deeper, sweeter, more authentic, and truly a moment by moment relationship that would have never happened without the last five years.
I’ve relied on a series of verses as a foundation for the days that were tougher than I could have ever expected. Days when I felt alone, when I was truly under attack by nonstop and unfounded criticism, and days when the weight of raising two children as a single parent seemed so daunting I could not see a path forward. Ours has unfortunately been a particularly nasty experience and I have relied heavily on the Lord to show me that it is possible to navigate that nastiness in a way that is honoring to Him.
The verses that were my focus – literally in my line of sight on my desk as little sticky notes – included:
Exodus 14:14
Psalm 115:1
Psalm 18:29
Psalm 51:6
James 3:7
Psalm 138: 7-8
1 John 4:18
So, the verses that led me through the hardest days became mantras that ended up on sticky notes on my computer screen at work. For me, having them stuck where I’d see them at least eight hours a day helped to tattoo them on my brain. And, those verses would often reappear in my brain – and sometimes in my line of sight – during tough phone calls, difficult decisions, and one even came with me to court – for 5 days. But, that’s for another blog post.
The Word of God is the guide to answering that early series of questions.
The Word showed me that, yes. It is possible to navigate all circumstances – regardless of how frustrating, unfair, isolating, or challenging it may be – in a Christlike way.
It reminded me of the truths of Who my God is and how He can lead me through a wide variety of “valley[s] of the shadow of death…” (Psalm 23). When other messages from the world competed for my attention, focus, and adoption as truth, the importance of intentionally choosing truth from God was so clearly the only lifeline through the nightmare.
