3 Problems with Perfect

I checked myself in the reflective inside doors of the elevator one more time. Blazer, seersucker slacks, cute earrings, and adorable shoes. Hair was as in place as somewhat tame naturally curly hair can be in the summer. Yep, I felt like I’d nailed office-summer-smart (a fashion term I coined).

The elevator dinged and I exited into the lobby of the dream client. This was the final day of the consultation I was leading and I was determined to wrap up on a high note The meetings had gone well, the team was engaged, and they’d left the morning session feeling energized and ready to finish up the planning we’d been working on for the previous day and a half.

I wanted to impress this group. This was a catch of a client – an Ivy League graduate program that was quite the feather in mine and my firm’s cap. Their feedback had been great and I was feeling a little giddy at how well things had gone. And that was saying something. The reputation that came with this program was pretty intense and I’d arrived earlier that week intimidated and wanting to make a good impression. An impression that conveyed I had my act together and that I was capable for the task they’d retained my firm to complete.

The outfit was my cherry on top and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t spend a lot of time planning my wardrobe for each day.

It was with this feeling of just about nailing the impression setting and earning credibility that I exited the elevator ready to wrap things up following our lunch break. We met back up in the conference room in which we’d been camped for two days. The team was ready to finish up and we were excited with the prospects of where we’d be by day’s end.

As we got started, I posed a question to the group to get them to probe more deeply in their planning and assigning of responsibilities. Just like I planned it, it made them think deeply and the group was uncharacteristically quiet as they thought through next steps. It was at that moment, determined to give them time to think, that I shifted in my seat and crossed my legs under the table.

“RRRRRIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPP….”

The unmistakable sound of tearing fabric pierced the silence leaving no one in the room unclear about what had just happened. If they wondered who’d just had some sort of wardrobe malfunction, my reddening cheeks gave me away.

I wasn’t sure exactly where the problem had occurred, but my pants became surprisingly lose and I actually felt a breeze. I was horrified and scared to move. I had no idea what part of me was about to be exposed. And I could tell my clients were thinking the same thing on my behalf.

The dean rescued me with a chuckle and a “Well, that’s never a good sound.” We all laughed as a glanced at my lap to see that my pants had split mid thigh – no where near a seam – right across the front leaving a gaping hole in my adorable, albeit thin, J. Crew seersucker pants. Yes, I feel the need to out the brand.

I laughed with the group, put my hand over the tear, and we continued on. A few minutes later, the director of marketing who’d quietly slipped out of the room, returned with masking tape for me to use in the next break to repair my pants enough so that I could actually stand up.

We finished our work and ended things on a high – and with my pants being held in place with about a half roll of masking tape.

A few days later back in my office, I received a package from the team that included a very nice thank you note, some swag from their program, and a very large roll of duct tape – in their school colors. The memorable “tearing pants incident” and what could have been an embarrassing disaster turned out to be a funny high note of visit and endeared me to this group for many years to come.

Funny how the pursuit of perfection – including in appearance – can in a split second crumble exposing who we really are to others. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t always have someone on hand to bring me masking tape – at least I didn’t until that moment. After this, I had my own supply of duct tape!

But, the aim for perfection – perfect work, perfect impressions, perfect life – has been a struggle of mine for years. The mirage of getting it all right all the time is one I’ve fallen for and crawled to time after time. And just like in books and movies, when I reach what I think will be refreshing and restorative, perfection leaves me as empty as if I was trying to drink the desert sand.

Or in some cases, it leaves me taping up my pants before I can appropriately stand up.

Looking around me, I see a world scrambling toward the mirage buying into the deception perfection deals. If we work hard enough, scurry around, and put only our best foot forward, we will be filled.

And time after time, it leaves me – and those around me who have joined in the chase – empty.

The belief- and resulting chase- for perfection seems to be a by product of a world that is self-reliant and fooling itself into believing we are not in need to grace. Grace from each other, but most importantly, the grace from the God who created us, loves us, and wants us to rest in Him.

It seems to me that the chase for perfection presents three problems that run counter to what we’re called to.

Perfection is all about me
One of the primary problems with the aim of perfection is that it is all about us – and not at all about Him. If my aim is for my life, my house, my kids, my work product to be perfect, those things become my idols to hold before the world demonstrating my abilities, talents, and overall awesomeness.

That’s the polar opposite of what I’m called to glorify.

Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness.

Psalm 115:1

Perfection is not absolute
What one person sees as perfect, another sees with flaws. It is a goal that will never entirely be achieved in human eyes and human ways of working. What is “perfect” now will be surpassed with innovation at some point in the future.

Truth is absolute. What is true? The truth of God.

Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.

John 17:17

And the truth of God tells me that I am flawed – we all are.

…for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God

Romans 3:23

The only way to grow in that is to lean on God, not on me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Perfection is not growth oriented
When I aim for perfection, I am essentially telling myself that when this work is done and done perfectly, I will be done with learning and growth in that area. I trick myself into believing that I can “arrive” having accomplished perfection.

Perfection is a) unattainable this side of heaven and b) a stagnant sort of “climb the mountain and just stay there to enjoy the view” approach to life is not what we’ve been called to.

Instead, we are called to rest in the Lord and to grow in Him. If I believe I can reach the heights of perfection, then I rule out the need of ongoing growth.

Am I to do my best? Yes. (Col. 2:23-24). Am I to serve others well? Yes ( Acts 20:35)

But, if I take the focus off of my own accomplishments and how others view me, I can see the reality of and embrace who I am in Jesus. When I adjust my aim is grow in Him – rather than conquer whatever lies in my path – I get to rest in Him and His expectations are laced with grace.

My kids and I are working through a family devotion based on the Shorter Catechism and each day we start by going over the questions/responses we’ve already studied. The very first is this.

Q. “What is the primary purpose of man?
A. “The primary purpose of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”

The Westminster Shorter Catechism

What a wonderful assignment. And that’s an assignment I’ll never get to the end of and I know my human self enough to know I’ll never do it as well as I should to glorify the God of the universe.

But, if I can adjust my aim to make this my ultimate focus in all that I do, I release myself from the weight – and deception – of perfection.

This tug of war between God’s exceptions and the crazy ones I put on myself are weighing heavily on me as we get ready to crank up another school year. I’ll be spending the next few weeks exploring how we can balance being productive and setting ourselves up for success while staying focused on our primary call and resting in the Lord who loves us deeply.

Have thoughts of your own for keeping your aim true while managing life in the day to day of this world? I’d love to hear them so share in the comments or reach out directly at jennifer.copeland@graceforthegray.com.