Growing up in the church hearing the story of the Gospel my entire life, I naturally assumed I’d be a Mary or maybe a Martha. If gender roles weren’t an issue, maybe I’d be a Peter or John. Regardless of the name, my immediate assumption has always been that I’d be one of those closest to Jesus. That inner circle of Jesus’ followers are people I’ve always thought I’d relate to, be like, and act like. Of course, I’d follow Jesus.
But, as I’ve worked through a study of the Gospel of John this summer, I’m not so sure. Reading John’s account of Jesus’ ministry – and maybe more importantly the reaction of those around Him – has me doubting my own “automatic belief”. I’ve always assumed it must be “easier” to believe in Jesus if you were front row to his miracles, but now I’m not so sure. Yeah, they saw him feed 5,000. They saw him walk on water. They saw him turn water into wine and raise Lazarus from the dead.
But, they also didn’t know the end story. They didn’t know death was coming, and they certainly weren’t expecting resurrection. They, and their people, had prayed for centuries for Messiah – who they thought would be an earthly king who would defeat their enemies. Jesus was not that. But, they dropped their careers and lives, and followed him. They followed him when others heard confusing messages in His ministry and left him. They followed him as he foretold his own death. They followed him to the garden. They followed him to the cross. And they didn’t have the benefit of knowing Easter was coming.
I can only imagine what Friday night and Saturday must have felt like. What devastation thinking they’d just lost the man they gave everything to. That their lives had been for nothing or that they’d entirely misunderstood. These were humans, after all. Spiritual giants, for sure, but they were human beings. They had to have been filled with doubt and self-questioning. But on Sunday, a handful of them went to the tomb anyway. And, boy are we glad they did.
I hope I’d have been in their league. I hope I’d have believed based on what I saw even if some of it was so different from what I was expecting and hoping for. And, I hope that their faith truly without the full hindsight view of Jesus’ time on earth, will be the model for me for what it means to really follow Jesus. Believe, even when it doesn’t make sense. Believe, even when the path doesn’t align with what was hoped for. Believe, even when all seems lost. And, believe when He shows time and time again that He’s got this. He’s overcome death and he has overcome the world.
