“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.”
1 Corinthians 14:33
She was carrying a backpack about as heavy as she was. “Mom, why did they make me bring ALL of my books home today? I cannot carry all of these!”
It was the day our school began the transition to distance learning as the COVID-19 pandemic was intensifying in the United States. Plans had been announced just moments before to parents, but word had not trickled down to the students. And, my petite fourth-grader was confused, alarmed, and weighed down by more than just her textbooks.
Confusion is heavy. It is disorienting. And it can be the enemy of peace.
In the weeks and months since that March afternoon when everything in our world changed, peace has been a rare commodity for many of us. Sleepless nights, routines turned on their end, parents adding homeschool teacher to their job descriptions, and isolation from friends, extended family, and neighbors. Tensions hitting a boiling point as long-overdue national reckoning lands at the forefront of the headlines. Nasty political dynamics.
The totality of it all has been beyond overwhelming. So much so, that it has driven me – one rarely at a loss for words – into a much quieter mode. Save a small handful of friends and family members, I have largely disconnected from discussions in my personal life about this incredibly challenging time, and I have let my attempt at a blog go silent for almost four months.
Unable to reconcile all that is bearing down both personally and communally, organizing thoughts in my stressed mind has felt too large a task as realities have shifted constantly. So much information to process. So much conflict. So much hurt and pain.
Heavy, yes. Disorienting, absolutely. Overwhelming, for sure.
In this heavy, disorienting, overwhelming time it has been hard to put words to paper. Even knowing the truth of God, his character, and the source of truth, this particular season has made it hard to sort out all that is coming at me.
And there’s where the danger lies. Overwhelming confusion during challenging times can leave us in retreat further isolating us from each other, from articulating what we’re feeling, and from the truth of who God is and who we are.
Confusion generated isolation gives the enemy a potential toehold in our lives. It can create an opening in our thought patterns, relationships, and actions. Truth can become foggy and we can be lulled into a sense that it is safer and better to not even attempt to sort it out.
In this prolonged season of hard realities that, let’s face it, aren’t going away any time soon, guarding our hearts and minds is a must. Clinging to Paul’s reminder to the Corinthians that we do not serve a God of confusion reminds me that yes, the world will be a hot mess. People are complicated. And we’ve got a lot coming at us.
But, in the midst of this, it is not my job to fix the confusion overwhelming our world. My job is to live what God has put in front of me in a way that honors him. And that may mean walking through incredible confusion and heartache.
How do we do that? How do we navigate uncertainty and confusion in a way that mirrors our God of peace? I’m certainly no expert, but here is what I keep hearing God whispering to me through the chaos.
Keep getting to know me.
The thing about retreating into ourselves is that we can lose sight of the true character of God. And in that, we can begin to conform God to our own image, rather than reflecting in ourselves the image of God in which we are originally made.
Spending dedicated daily time in God’s word is a way to combat this. So far in my pandemic experience, I’ve worked through studies of the books of 1 and 2 Chronicles, Job, and Revelation. Yes, those last two seem quite appropriate right now. And believe me when I say Revelation was chosen for me and not by me.
In full transparency, this has not been an easy habit to maintain. Waking up many mornings early on in this pandemic, distance working, and sudden homeschooling experience, my first thought often was, “I wonder what fresh new [insert the word for the home of Satan] awaits me today…”
That’s a hard perspective to motivate to get up and read about an ancient group of people who had some really hard to pronounce names. But, with loving prompts from the Holy Spirit to get out of bed and quit wallowing, I have trudged through and the truth of God’s character has shined through.
Seeing the faithfulness of God alongside the children of Israel, with Job as he wrestled with horrific realities that overwhelmed his life, and being reminded of the end of the story has helped me stay focused on who God is. And who he is not.
He is faithful to his people, even when they and their leaders make horrible choices. He is walking alongside us when tragedy strikes and life comes at us in wave after wave of awfulness. He loves us enough to give us the space to wrestle with life and ask hard questions when things seem too heavy to bear. And he is the ultimate victor over this broken world.
So, even when it feels like the world is too heavy, too much, and too hard, spending time in God’s word – even five minutes at a time – reveals a thread of truth that is hard to miss. He is faithful. He is loving. He is good. And he is not confused, overwhelmed, or lacking peace, even when we are.
