She was a teenager, her life ahead of her. Even for a young woman in Palestine thousands of years ago with different circumstances and opportunities than my own teenagers enjoy today, she had to have dreams for her future. It is probably safe to say that becoming pregnant before she was married wasn’t what she had in mind.
News she didn’t ask for, a situation she didn’t create. Judgement from her community that was a certainty. Estrangement from her intended that was likely. What we call the Good News may not have felt all that good to the teenager in the middle of a heavenly encounter and the misunderstanding that would follow her.
And yet.
Her altered trajectory and a new future for us all. She not only accepted the word of the angel, she welcomed it. And she trusted God’s wisdom.
And yet.
She’d find herself, and her new husband, on the road. Riding on a donkey while pregnant, traveling to meet the requirements of an occupying government. Arriving at their destination with no place to go, but a baby – the Baby – ready to meet the world. Labor in a stable. No immediate family with them to help or celebrate. And at some point, strangers would show up both to satisfy their own curiosity and to worship obediently.
While we can’t pretend to know exactly what Mary was feeling in the weeks and months after her encounter with the angel, our own human experience equips us to imagine the scenarios that must have gone through her mind. She had to have been terrified, confused, and perhaps even humiliated. And at the same time, honored and blessed and chosen. The life she imagined was not the life she was living that first Christmas.
Walking into Christmas when our circumstances aren’t what we want is hard. Disappointment has a way of feeling heavier this time of year. And you know what can make it even harder? Denial.
Luke’s gospel tell us that when she heard the news from the angel, Mary’s first reaction was confusion and a troubled heart. More explanation from the heavenly visitor resulted in a question before submission. “How will this be?” she asked. (Luke 1:26-34)
When we’re hurting and our faith feels bruised by life circumstances we didn’t see coming and certainly didn’t want, being human is ok. Admitting we’re confused or troubled is not a lack of faith. Confessing our confusion, our hurt, and our disappointment is vulnerability. And vulnerability is the bedrock of solid faith.
Despite the disappointment, He’s not forgotten you. You are His most precious creation. And He knows you’re human. Bring your troubles to Him. Confess your confusion, disillusionment, or outright dismay. And then lean on Him for wisdom. Covet His discernment. Rest in His peace, even if outcomes aren’t clear.
Take heart this season, my friend, by being you. Every broken, beautiful, disappointed, grateful, heartsick, and heart-warmed bit of you. Lean into a Lord who loved us enough to come to us, and Who’s shoulders are broad enough for you.
