I don’t know about you, but the older I get the more I find myself in situations where, no mater what I do, it seems that there are those in my life who just will not relent in their criticism of my choices. And, in some of those instances, regardless of how much I try to extend grace to these people – turning the other cheek, hearing them out even when it seems unwarranted, resisting the temptation to fire back – they just keep on the same path of ever present criticism.
These relationships are exhausting. And they can be crushingly discouraging. I’m a people pleaser, and I tend to be fairly easily pleased by other people. This means that from my point of view, I tend to move forward from the times when others make mistakes that impact me and I characteristically give people the benefit of the doubt. Some would say I do this to a fault. So, when I am on the other side of the equation and am receiving criticism and the opposite of the benefit of the doubt, it becomes harder and harder for me to continue to extend grace.
Recently, when I reached what felt like the apex of one of these relentless relationships, I found myself wondering in my darkest, most frustrated moments if there is some sort of expiration date on grace. Does there ever come a moment when we would be justified for grace to run out? To “tell” the other party that they are now overdrawn in the “grace bank account”?
Of course I know the answer is no. And in full transparency, in those moments where I’m worn down by a critic, that answer is annoying. If I’m honest, there is a part of me that wants there to be an expiration on grace. I want there to be some line in the sand where you get grace up to this point, but when you cross that line, all bets are off.
But, that’s not how grace works. Praise Jesus, it isn’t earned. And when it isn’t earned, it also is something we can’t lose. The grace of Christ is extended to me regardless of how much of a dumpster fire of a day I may have had. The grace I extend to others should have the same characteristics. In Paul’s letter to the Colossians, we get some encouragement for how this should work:
“Put on then as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. ”
Colossians 3:12-13
Paul calls us to humility, meekness, and patience – and those don’t align with any sort of “grace expiration date.” But, when in any relationship, praying for God to give us the heart that Paul describes can ready us for the difficult situations in our lives.
