The voice coming out of my mouth as I spoke on the phone with the doctor’s office was one I barely recognized. My pitch was significantly higher, my rate of speech was beyond rapid (and I’m a fast talker when I’m relaxed), and I wasn’t able to take a deep breath. I could hear myself. I knew I was in a complete state of panic. But, there was nothing I could do to calm myself down.
She was one, we were on vacation, and the ear infection she’d been battling for (literally) months on and off was back again. Surgery for tubes was scheduled, but was still over a month away. And, so we were on vacation and she woke up with a fever. As the day progressed, her temp moved from a low grade fever to what became a temperature over 105 degrees.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m not a medical professional. Until that day, I had never seen a thermometer display a number that high. Add to it, when the temperature registered at this level, I also noticed “something” oozing out of her ear. My first instinct was, “Oh my gosh, it is her brain fluid!” See reference above to me (clearly) not being a medical professional. Between the temperature and what I thought was some sort of “nasty looking brain juice” flowing from my sweet baby’s ear, I leapt over the line of calm, concerned parent to mama in a panic.
And, that’s the thing about panic. In the moments when fear overwhelms us and we become wrapped up in it, our focus shifts and we can lose touch with reality. This happens not just in times of legitimate fear and concern, but also in life when relationships are strained or things aren’t going our way. How often do I fabricate in my mind scenarios of what I think could happen in bad times? How many nights do I spend awake afraid of what could play out in different situations in life? The other thing I’ve noticed about panic is that panic begets panic. Once I leap over to the crazy side, it takes over and I start imagining all sorts of scenarios of the variety that will most likely never happen. But, panic makes them feel legit and I give into the worry.
This summer, I’m wrapping up a two-part study of the entire book of Psalms and man, if anyone ever had reason to live in panic it was David. David spent so much of his life (exhaustingly) in caves hiding from people who truly planned to kill him. For real. That puts all of my worry and struggles into so much context its embarrassing. His prayers – and cries – to God I’ve found to be full of pure human emotion and a model for how to stay focused on the only One who is our tether in turbulent, seemingly panic-inducing situations.
Psalm 56 is filled with David reminding himself, his God, and us of where to focus in times of fear.
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
Psalm 56:3
“In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”
Psalm 56:4
When I am in a state of panic, I don’t exactly equate that to trusting anything. In fact, panic, to me, is a time when I don’t trust anything or anyone. So, David reminds me in Psalm 56 that when I am afraid, I need to shift my focus from panic to the only One worthy of my trust. And that One is the God of truth.
In my study of Psalm, when we came to chapter 56 a while back, Leah DiPascal made a point about this chapter that struck me as so profound:
“When David’s trust in God lined up with the truth of God, his fear turned into praise.”
Leah DiPascal
What a wonderful reminder that if we know the truth of God, and if we align trust with that truth, our fear evaporates. Have you ever had a time in life when fear should have been overtaking you and you found yourself calm and at peace and unable to understand why you weren’t more concerned? That’s God. That’s the truth of God in us.
When we know God – like really know God and His heart that is so clearly evident throughout scripture and in our own lives – we can reset ourselves and our focus in challenging times. Despite the circumstance that surround us, we can find peace instead of panic.
So, back to my baby girl. Turns out, sweet thing’s ear was so bad that her eardrum perforated. We spent about three hours at the ER, the fever came down, she slept for hours, and our appointment for ear tubes got bumped up to the week we got back from vacation.
This episode led to about a year of follow up appointments with a hearing center to screen her for hearing loss, but we left with a clean bill of health. Sweet girl is staring down fourth grade this coming school year, is doing well, (knock on wood) has not had an ear infection since, and can hear every drop of a pin in our house. Praise the Lord.
My moment of mama panic was for naught and, thanks to David and the faithfulness of God, I gained perspective for how to keep my eyes focused on the One whose truth quells my fears.
